Mother's Day

"Who can find a virtuous woman?  She is far more precious than jewels..."  Proverbs 31:10

As Mother's Day weekend is upon us, I wanted to share a few of my thoughts about this upcoming day...

A couple years ago I heard a pastor say that until he pastored his church, he didn't realize how Mother's Day is not always the happy day that it's made out to be in our country.  For many mothers it is a reminder of the children they have lost, their hopes and dreams that have been crushed, or the pain of never getting to carry a baby.  There are mothers that have lost children to tragedy, those who have lost children to disease, and those who have lost children to complications at birth among other things.  Those women will silently feel the pain of empty arms this weekend and they should be honored too.

While many of us will go to our grandmother's for lunch on Sunday or take our moms out to eat, still there are those that are struggling with infertility.  There are those who are struggling with the loss of a children through miscarriage.  There are those who are struggling with the fact that they had to make the heart wrenching decision to put up their child for adoption because of the circumstances they were once in.  These women are no less mothers than any other.  They should be honored too.

This weekend, many will lavish their mothers and wives with praises and honors because it is the right thing to do.  Those mothers should be praised and honored for the hard work that they do on a daily basis.  But the job of the mother who lost her child is no less harder than the mother with three screaming children in the house and another on the way.  She is no less a mother than the mom who has watched her children grow up and graduate from high school and college.  She is no less a mother than the young woman who is 7 months pregnant or the mother who is celebrating her first Mother's Day with a child.  She should be honored too.

So if you see a mom this weekend that you know has lost a child, don't be afraid to wish her a "Happy Mother's Day."  Don't be afraid of the tears she may cry.  Those few tears will just be a glimpse of the life that she lives every day and the tears she sheds along the way.  Honor her with those words because the connection between her heart and the heart of her lost child will be even stronger this weekend.  She may shed those tears while you're standing there, but the thoughtfulness  and honor you show her with those words will live with her for many years to come. 

Through it all I have decided that if I have to go to Hell and back, which is where we've been this past year, I would choose no other woman to walk beside me through the fire than my wife.  She has shown grace, faith, and courage while struggling through the hardest days of our lives.  She showed as much love for our daughter in the ten and a half short hours of Selah's life as many moms will show in a lifetime.  She is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for and I am thankful for the woman that she was when I married her and the woman and mother that she is today.

This weekend, I honor you, Brittany Bennett...the mother of my daughter.  The woman who gave birth to our beautiful Selah while knowing she would probably not live more than a few hours.  The woman who cares for me and brings me joy every day.  You are and will always be a mother and I love you with every fiber in me.

Peace to all! 

"Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.  She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.  Her sons [or daughters] rise up and call her blessed.  Her husband also praises her;  Many women are capable, but you surpass them all!  Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."  
Proverbs 31:25-30

Sustaining Faith

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

It's been a while since I posted here so I figured I'd give an update of what's been going on with us since my last post.  It seems like just yesterday that we were in the hospital at Chapel Hill holding our little Selah and praying for a miracle.  At the same time it seems like years since we felt the touch of her soft, perfect skin against ours.  Life has a way of doing that to you I guess, but it's still a strange feeling.  In the meantime, the Lord continues to teach us and help us grow in our faith.

We've been told by some people, all well-intended, that in 10 years we will look back on all of what we've gone through and understand what God was doing through our situation.  I have pondered on this for a while and I don't think that I will understand all this.  And honestly, I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with God knowing all things and me not knowing the half of it.  That leads me to the gift of faith.  I don't mean the kind of faith that brings you salvation...that faith is in Jesus Christ, the son of God.  I have that faith too.  But I'm talking about the kind of faith that says, "I believe in a sovereign Lord who knows what is best for me and my family even if it hurts and even if I never understand it."  This faith says, "Although, I'm walking through the hardest time in my life, I will trust that you will walk with me and carry me when I need it."

This faith sustains us.  It's the main thing that gets us through our tough days, of which there are many.  Our grief is still fresh and is sometimes very overwhelming, but it is getting better little by little.  We joined a GriefShare group and completed a 13-week course that has helped teach us about grief and how to approach it from a biblical perspective.  We got to share our feelings, fears, and frustrations with other people who have had losses in their lives as well.  One thing we have learned is that grief is something that can take over your life, it crashes over you like a tidal wave.  However, we've also learned that Christians should grieve differently than non-believers.  As Christians, we have the Creator of the universe living on the inside of us.  We have the Holy Spirit, the great Comforter, who abides with us forever.

Our greatest hope is the second coming of Jesus Christ because that alone will solve the world of its brokenness.  That alone will save the world from the heartbreak of losing a child, the horrors of experiencing divorce, and tragedy of watching others suffer.  God didn't create this world to have any of that in it, but since the fall of man the world has been full of sin and has been broken.

I now understand what Paul meant when he penned his letter to the church at Philippi.  For years we have turned Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength," into a great verse to put on sports t-shirts or quote in the high school yearbook, but I'm afraid many have missed the intent of what Paul was trying to convey here.  In the verses before verse 13 he says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength."

When you read this verse in the proper context, it takes on a whole new meaning.  Paul had experienced the life of plenty and the life of want.  He had traveled with other believers preaching the gospel and he had slept on cold, dark prison floors.  But Paul found his strength to endure all sufferings through Jesus Christ.  See, earthly things could not touch Paul.  If he lived?  "To live is Christ."  If you killed him?  "To die is gain."  I have a more in depth understanding of these verses after our experiences over the last year.  I hope to be better at being more content no matter the circumstances, but suffice it to say, Philippians 4:13 is about much more than hitting home runs and making 15-foot jumpers.  

In closing this post, we'd love to have your help in remembering Selah.  We think that we've come up with a way to "take" Selah to different places around the state, the country, maybe even the world.  We would love for those who read and/or follow our blog to spell Selah's name out with different objects and take a picture and send it to us along with the location the picture was taken.  The picture above is an example of what we are looking for in this project.  In it, we spelled out her name using coffee mugs in a shop in Charleston, South Carolina, which is where we visited a few weeks after her passing.  You could spell her name out in the sand at the beach or spell it with rocks in the mountains.  Be as creative as you would like and send us a picture.  We would love to turn this into a memory wall with all of the pictures we receive and who knows...maybe we could turn it into a coffee table book if we get enough.

You can email your pictures to: jasonbennett10@gmail.com or brit_tany2@hotmail.com .  We would really appreciate your help in this project.  It will be a wonderful way for us to keep Selah's memory alive.  Until next time...shalom!